Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
