U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
