I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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