Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
