$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
