Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
