Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
