Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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