The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
