I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
