Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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