you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
