i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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