he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize