sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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