So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
