You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
