The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
