I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
