Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
