so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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