i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize