I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
