and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
