Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
