Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
