You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
