i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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