Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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