shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
