can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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