my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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