My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
