in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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