Pants 0. Shit 1.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
