ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
