i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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