There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
