She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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