your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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