the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
