you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
