Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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