i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
