hotel room ftw
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
