My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize