dude i'm inner monologue high
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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