My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
