I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
