Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
