For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
