Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
