i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
