Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
