Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
