Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
