At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
