i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize