I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
