what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
