hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
