The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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