EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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