shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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