He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
