I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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