New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
