First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
