This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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