I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
