update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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