i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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