i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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