His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
